Painting My Pain
by NCIS-SVUgurl
Summary: "In the end, it does not even matter. You don't even matter." MAJOR trigger warning. T for now.
1. Chapter 1

A.N. So hey everybody. I realize it has been awhile since I have written a story on here. Well I'm kind of busy with another story, about this band that I love, and it is on Wattpad. Sorry. And also sorry if this story sucks; it's my first Fairly Odd Parents fanfic EVER, so go easy on me :) Reviews are of course encouraged, and flames will go where they belong, the fire place. Sorry chappy one is so slow :/ I promise it gets better (jk it sucks why are you reading)

TRIGGER WARNING; Self harm and eating disorders. It is some heavy action, and I do not want to trigger anybody. On the contrary, nobody EVER try any of these things. It really can screw a person up. Believe me.

IMPORTANT NOTICE; Since this story deals with the topics of inner demons and the like, I had to distinguish between Timmy's thoughts, and his subconscious. So,

_This is thoughts_

**This is that reject inner demon/ subconscious.**

Also, I do not own FOP, I'm not making any money, yadda, yadda, yadda, and, ON WITH THE STORY.

The young 15 year old shoved the key in the lock and turned it, listening carefully for the little "click". He pushed open the door and walked inside, or rather squished; he was soaked to the bone due to the fact he had to walk home in the rain because he missed the bus. It had been a long week; Francis picked on the poor sophomore every day (even though they were currently in high school), Crocker failed him numerous times, and Tootie would just not leave him alone. But everything was okay for now, it was finally the weekend, and he had two relaxing days ahead of him. Or, so he thought, until he turned to the left and saw four large suitcases packed and near the door.

"Mom? Dad?" Timmy questioned, squeaking further into the home.

"Hey son!" Mr. Turner said, walking into the room from the kitchen with a sandwich in his hands. "We're just on our way out. Come on honey, we don't want to miss our flight!" He yelled up the stairs as his mother raced down them at a shocking speed, pushing the teen out of her way and picking up her suitcases.

"Wait, where are you guys going? It's the weekend!" Timmy said, trying to dampen his voice with any emotion he could grasp onto- worry, concern, sad- anything other than the monotone that was escaping his lips. At this point, he just didn't care anymore.

"Oh, we're going on our second honeymoon!" They said in unison, and began laughing. _Yeah, their fifth second honeymoon this year_. Mrs. Turner continued, "Vicky should be here soon to watch you for the next few weeks or so. Be sure to lock up when you leave for school. There's money in the cookie jar for food. See you later!" And with that being thrown over their shoulders, they departed.

He did not make an attempt to move towards the window to watch them pull out of the drive way. It was run of the mill for them to leave him, and he knew better than to actually expect Vicky to come these days. She usually came on the last day, and that was just to collect her pay.

He let out a long sigh. "Cosmo, Wanda, you can come out. They're gone." Timmy spoke, but the only response he got was the groan of the aging house. They aren't home either. No one is. No one ever is.

Timmy dragged himself and his backpack up the stairs and into his bedroom. "Guys?" He whispered. He could really use them right now. Not just for wishing, but for a friendly face. His Godparents had been quite busy lately with Poof, leaving Timmy to fend for himself most days. Poof was now a 4 year old, and he was starting pre-school up in fairy world. Cosmo and Wanda spent most of their day busy with that.

And it didn't bother Timmy.

Okay, of course it bothered him.

Now, don't fret, Timmy loves his younger god brother. Sometimes he just wishes he could have a few moments with just Cosmo, Wanda, and himself- together- like they used to.

His Godparents had been so busy and distracted lately, they did not even notice their godchild slowly slipping away. Timmy had not eaten the average three square meals a day in months, and he had lost a bit of weight off that. His clothes were a lot looser now due to it. He also had developed depression somewhere along the line, and had begun to self harm.

_Not like anyone would notice or care though. They're all too busy to deal with a pathetic, moronic, VILE waste like me.  
_  
Timmy figured that the three floating fairies would not be home for a while, so he went to the bathroom to shower. He grabbed the blade he kept hidden in a notch under the sink and, after he was clean, swiped a few quick lines across his leg. The child had only planned to do two, but soon two turned to four and four to ten. They were short and pretty shallow, but he could see the little blood dots bubble up to the surface, and even though a couple of tears dripped down his face, he could not help but feel calm. He deserved it after all.

**Wanting your Godparents to ditch their son to spend time with you? How selfish! **

The water grew cold, and Timmy got out. He yielded the bleeding to stop fairly quickly; it was kind of sad how fast he could do it. And he did such a good job of disposing the evidence; these secrets were his to keep. The secret of him not eating. The secret of cutting. He slid on his sweat pants over the still fresh cuts, threw on a ratty t-shirt he had been sleeping in for seemingly ever, and brushed his teeth. While in mid-brush, he quietly padded over to the door to see if he could hear any talking.

Nothing.

He spit the excess toothpaste and ran a brush through his chestnut hair. "Good enough." He muttered. Reaching into the medicine cabinet and grabbing the bottle of Advil P.M., he slung his head back and popped four. _The only way to get that beautiful thing called "sleep".  
_  
The trek from the bathroom to his bedroom seemed longer than normal. All Timmy wants his to curl up in his warm bed, but the cold creaky floors and the dark rooms surrounding him make him wish he just would have stayed in the bathroom.

Next thing Timmy knew, he was on his bed, curled up in his nice warm comforter. It was dark and silent in his room. He had planned on doing his homework, but obviously that was not going to happen.

_Music!_ "I wish-" He stated, but silence consumed him when he realized he was alone. He contemplated getting up and turning on YouTube on his computer, but thought against it. So he lied there, staring at the ceiling- dwelling in his thoughts about what his life had become. He did this often throughout the course of other sleepless nights, when he did not wish to wake anyone.

_Mom and Dad don't give a rat tooth about me; they never really did though. Vicky has even realized how worthless I am. Maybe I should just off myself. I mean, I barely see any of my "friends" anymore. AJ got moved up two grades and Chester got held back. I only see them during lunch and they all have their own little friend group now. They would not miss me, and even if they did they would get over it._

I guess Crocker isn't that bad of a teacher, he likes seeing me miserable and failing and publicly humiliating me, but on my high school transcript it says I have maintained a B average in his classes. It's decent. He might miss me a little, just for the lack of anyone to fail, and his obsession with my Godparents.

Trixie is a true piece of work. She is just a brainless bully. I don't even care about her reaction if I were to kill myself.

Tootie still won't leave me alone. There are so many guys out there better than me that would go great with her. I think she is finally starting to realize it, and it kind of worries me. She's one of the few people left that is a true fan of me. She would miss me, but move on eventually as well.

Francis is just a- certain word that I shouldn't even think. He'll find other kids to bully. He would be happy that I'm gone.

Then there's Cosmo, Wanda, and Poof. They would miss me.

**No they wouldn't.**

_Yeah, actually they would._

**No they would not. Think about how you got them in the first place. It's their job to be your Godparents. You think they had a choice? No. Jorgen just stuck them with your pathetic, selfish butt.**

_No!_

**Don't "No!" me! You know it's true, Turner!**Timmy could feel the tears spring from his eyes.**Oh, is the baby going to cry now?**He rolled over to face the window and punched his bed once as he cried.

You're right. They don't want me. They have a happy family all on their own. They don't need me anymore. They never needed me.

"I'm sorry guys, I'm so, so sorry." He whispered, looking out his window at the dark neighborhood.

He rolled his head to the side to check the time. 6:30 P.M. the digitized letters read. He flipped back over to his original position, his back to the room, and willed himself to stop whimpering. They would be home soon, and he did not want them to worry.

Timmy's ear perked up slightly when a poofing noise was heard, and the two voices started talking.

"Hey Timmy!" The two voices yelled in unison.

He watched in the window reflection as the two stopped, looked around with a confused expression, and finally began to slowly come closer to his supposedly sleeping form. He closed his eyes and calmed his breathing to play the part.

_I can't believe how good I've gotten at lying and pretending. Even to my closest fam- FRIENDS_.

"Aw, poor Timmy's all tuckered out. He probably had such a rough day today." Wanda said, concern kneading into her voice.

"Yeah, should we wake him up and tell him the news?" Cosmo replied, a little too loudly.

"Cosmo, sh!" Wanda berated, floating closer to Timmy and placing her hand on his back. "We'll tell him in the morning."

_Tell me what? Are they leaving me? Please, no! I need you!_

**Yeah, but they don't need you. In the end, it does not even matter. You do not even matter.**

Timmy stretched slightly and rolled onto his stomach and buried his face further into the pillow for precautionary purposes.

He felt Wanda remove her hand. "Come on sweetie, let's go to bed. Poof is probably already fast asleep." The female voice spoke, and it sounded quite relieved.

"Sounds like a plan to me!" Cosmo replied, and after that the room fell quiet once again.

Timmy rolled back onto his side and quietly cried. His sub conscience was right.

_Why should they come back to me? I'm just an ungrateful rude kid who wallows in self pity. I'm so pathetic. I can't even find a reason to get out of bed most days. Why should I force them to stick around when I am nothing special? When I have nothing to offer? They have a family now, and I am just standing in the way of that._

And even with hot tears racing down his face, he somehow managed to cry himself to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**A.N.: So, thanks to those reviewers! You are awesome! And, sorry I lied to you about updating last Sunday. I was planning on it, but then life happened. It is the end of the school year, meaning 500 projects soon due, and I have yet to recreate the Eiffel Tower out of popsicle sticks and create the oral presentation for it. KILL ME. I AM GOING TO SLICE MY SKIN OFF. Haha, sorry for my rant. Anyway, please enjoy this chapter and as always, do review! I appreciate it and it lets me know that I am not just wasting my life on this. **

**ALSO: I already had this chapter pre-written when I wrote the first chapter on my iPod, I just had to transfer it to my computer and fix the errors, italicize, and all that jazz. Meaning, it will be a little bit longer until I update again. I am so sorry about this inconvenience. I only have approximately two more weeks of school though, so I should be able to update after that is out. Thanks for reading again, and ON WITH THE STORY.**

Timmy awoke to the pitter patter of rain sloshing lightly against the window pane. He stayed on his bed, momentarily confused at the stillness of the house, but recovered when he recalled the events of the previous night. He slid out of his nice warm bed, and tugged his sweat pants down to make sure they covered all the damage he had inflicted onto himself.

He quietly walked to the bathroom to change his clothes and get ready for the day. As far as he knew, Wanda and Cosmo were still asleep. His suspicions were proven true; by the time he had returned to his room, they were still nowhere in sight. He decided on making breakfast for himself.

Timmy took out the bowl, spoon, box of cereal, and the milk carton from their various homes. He poured a little bit of milk in the bowl, and opened the cereal box, dropping a few flakes in the bowl to set the scene.

_There, I ate. Or so it looks._

Just as he dropped his metal eating utensil into the small plastic bowl, he was scared by a person talking.

"Morning sport!" came the female voice when they appeared as salt and pepper shakers.

Timmy jumped slightly, and plastered a smile onto his face. "Hey guys! Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."

"Oh you didn't. We were already awake, we just figured we'd let you sleep in as late as you wanted to. It _is_ 7:30 in the morning. Early for you."

"So much for sleeping in right?" He forced a small laugh. "Oh, you guys can be normal by the way. The parentals are out."

The star-tipped wands appeared and a disapproving Wanda floated next to her husband. "What do you mean the parentals are out?" She questioned.

"Well obviously he means that they are not currently in the building, Wanda! Sheesh, and _I'm_ the dumb one." The green haired fairy stated.

"I mean they're out for a few weeks. Something about a second honeymoon or the like." Timmy replied, beginning to play with the spoon as the smile faded. "Vicky was supposed to come, but we all know that won't happen." _Fake a laugh. Stand up. Take your bowl and place it in the sink._ Every move he made was calculated. If it wasn't, someone might see the cracks.

"Oh, I'm sorry sport. But hey we have a surprise for you!" Wanda exclaimed.

"Really?" Timmy tried to feign interest. It was probably something stupid; these days it usually was.

"No Poof weekend!" Cosmo interrupted.

"What?"

"Cosmo!"

"What? I've been holding it in all night!" Cosmo said, trying to defend himself.

"Again I say- what?" Timmy questioned, extremely confused.

"Well sweetie, we have been really busy lately with Poof starting school and some other business up in Fairy World, and we know we haven't been exactly _there_ for you lately," Wanda began.

_That's an understatement._

"And we thought it would be a good if we had a weekend just the three of us, like it used to be." Cosmo finished. "So we dropped Poof off at Mama Cosma's house last night!"

It all made sense to Timmy, and for the first time in a long time a, albeit small, but nonetheless genuine smile graced his features. "Awesome! Well what are we going to do?"

"Whatever you want!" They both shouted, sounding so enthusiastic.

Timmy spent the first half of the day just goofing off with the two. Playing random board games, video games, staging a reenactment of war.

But it was at one in the afternoon when reality reared its ugly head.

The three were having fun with a serious pillow fight when Wanda's phone rang. She quickly looked at the I.D. and answered. She spoke quickly and quietly into the device, and soon she hung up. By the look on her face, Timmy knew the happiness he believed to be true was soon going to be a far off memory.

"Timmy, I'm sorry but something is wrong with Poof. We need to go check on him right now." Wanda said, sadness and worry for her son filling her eyes.

Timmy faked a smile. "Oh it's fine. Go ahead."

"Timmy-" Wanda began, the voice wet with worry.

"Wanda."

"Do you want to come with us?" Cosmo asked, unknowingly interrupting the start of a banter.

The teen knew how much extra magic it took for fairies to transport a human to their world. He quickly shook his head a smiled wider. "It's fine. Go. Make sure he's okay. Bring him on home. You guys have given me the best-" he checked his watch. "Five hours a kid could ask for."

"Oh, sport." Wanda's voice drifted off, somehow sensing the disappointment.

_I need to act better. NOW._

He laughed. "Oh, Wanda," he started, mocking her. "Go get my God brother. It is seriously okay. I don't mind. I never do." He did not mean to let that last part slip, but there was no going back now.

"Okay, if you're sure. We'll be back as soon as we can." And with that final word from Wanda, they raised their wands and poofed away.

Timmy plopped down on his desk chair and began to look over the mound of homework he had accumulated over the past few days. Most of it wasn't even that hard- he truly was a smart kid; Crocker was just the only bad teacher who failed him for no reason. Now that he was in high school he had four classes one day and four classes the next. They rotated every other day.

Crocker was the teacher of only two of them.

It was then Timmy remembered a quote from a story he read in his English class.

He picked up his pencil and began playing with it. "'When you're me, you learn to live from one scarce rich moment to the next, no matter the distance between. You become like a camel in a vast scorched desert dotted with precious few oases, storing those cool blessed watery moments in your hump, assuring survival until you stumble upon the rest.'" He recited aloud. "Man, I feel ya pal." He inputted his opinion as he threw his pencil on the desk and dropping his head in defeat. "I'm hungry." He then realized what he said. "And I'm talking to myself."

**Food is nasty anyway. You are fine.**

He sighed and began his homework. _So much for a relaxing weekend._ He popped a single headphone in and got to work.

Not even thirty minutes later the married couple returned. Timmy was still hunched over his desk, knee deep in homework.

"We're back!" They both yelled in joy. Timmy jumped a little, but made no move to make eye contact. After mumbling a "hey", he went back to the Geometry glaring at him.

_SOH-CAH-TOA. Sine equals opposite over hypotenuse. Cosine equals adjacent over hypotenuse. Tangent equals opposite over adjacent._ That kept repeating in his head.

"Poof was fine; we just forgot to give him his blanket." Wanda told.

"Yeah, I remember when I was that age-" Cosmo started ranting. Timmy was ignoring, and Wanda was getting concerned. She floated towards him and sat next to his face.

"Hey, why don't you just wish it done? I'm sure if it's a rule, breaking it would not be THAT big of a deal."

_Wanda? Talking about rule breaking? She knows. I need to act._

He sat up straighter and started looking like he was deeply involved with his homework.

_But- I don't want to pretend anymore._

The inner turmoil was eating him alive.

_Should I tell?_

**No. Are you really THAT freaking idiotic? You need me.**

_No, actually I don't_.

**Uh yes, actually you do. You tell them something, they figure out EVERYTHING. You don't want to give me up do you? No, you don't. You can't live without me. I am apart of you. You need me. Just like you need your blade. **

_You're a demon. You're a MONSTER._

**No Timmy. Look in the mirror. YOU ARE THE MONSTER.**

The snapping in half of his mechanical pencil brought him back to the present, and the red sticky substance was now bubbling up on his hand. He made no move to do anything about it, just sat and watched it drip slowly down his wrist. There was a feminine gasp of his name, and the now monotonous voice of Cosmo had ceased.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a wand being raised. "Stop." He commanded, not taking his eyes off his injured palm. "Let it go."

"Timmy!" They scolded.

"Hey, I've done worse." He had had enough.

"What do you mean?" Cosmo was the first to ask.

He laughed a small, sick and twisted laugh. "What do you think I mean?" He pushed his chair back and lifted up both of his legs, pulling up his sweat pant legs to show the damage. _No going back._

He heard the gasps and the "oh no's", and the "Timmy's", and all the other things that shock makes people say. "Drink it in."

After he allowed them to stare for a solid ten seconds, Timmy pulled his legs off and jumped up off the desk chair, nearly knocking the floating people out of the way. Rage surged through him, and he ripped his hands across his desk, scattering textbooks and papers the like on the floor. "I QUIT!" The boy shouted. He raked his fingers through his hair as he began pacing to the center of the room.

To Timmy, time seemed to never end. He had been pacing for only a mere thirty seconds, but it felt as if hours had paced. He finally stopped and glanced up to see the two people who were the world to him; Wanda was trembling with muffled sobs as she clung onto her husband and his shirt for dear life in an embrace, and Cosmos embraced her back, still facing Timmy. Although his godfathers face was completely drained of any emotion, the godchild watched as tear after silent tear streamed slowly down his face. Was it shock? Disappointment? Shame? Timmy couldn't quite place his finger on it.

Timmy swallowed hard. "Say something." He tried to remain strong, but that crack ruined his façade. "Please."

Cosmos eyes dropped and a wand came out. Timmy spun around to look at his fish bowl just in time to see the two golden "animals" appear, and retreat into their castle home just as hastily.

He ran over to the side table and dropped to his knees. He let all of his emotions out. He did not care anymore. "Guys, please." He sobbed quietly. "Please, please, please. I am so sorry. Please, I don't mean to be a disappointment." The young, shaking body began rocking back and forth. "Please- I can't do this without you."


End file.
